Consider it pure joy...

I haven't blogged on this topic. It's been one I've been holding at arms length. Perhaps it's something to do with a denial and grief time. 'No, maybe it's just his personality', 'If he has it, it is mild anyway', 'But there are many things I see that don't fit the mold of Asperges' - All these thoughts and many more have been a constant the 18months since the diagnosis. One thing is for sure I can't be silent. He is our son, our beautiful, delightful boy in whom my heart bursts for him to have a full, abundant life not characterised by fear of change or an inability to be flexible and adaptable to others needs (the biggest things we face daily). To love and be loved, to make a difference daily and know true relationship - with his Creator and Father and others.
After taking him out of school ( a daily anxiety), delving into every book I could find and getting him into a psychologist, I am 18 months down the track wondering if we are doing all that we can.
James 1 says to 'consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance'. Psalm 37:5 says to commit your way to the Lord - roll and repose each care on him, trust,(lean on, rely on and be confident) also in Him an He will bring it to pass. And Psalm 38:9, All my longings lie open before you O Lord, my sighing is not hidden from you.
Thank God for his word, such hope to continue on the journey - not alone, in his care, in his hands. Serving the One who knows my son and how to reach his heart.
I write this today to be reminded of His promises, peace comes even in the midst of not having all the answers - just being in His presence, being content that He does. It's enough, more than enough. It is grace for this moment. Amazing Grace.

A breakthrough came today, in me... this is the picture - we were visiting a friend having a party
(a perusing product one!) I warned Sebastian there would be a number of ladies there and that he could play. The moment we walked in, he changed in an instant, a huge black cloud came upon him and what came out was defiance, rudeness, and more. Many thoughts ran through my head - should we just leave? All I could think to do was sit and hold him, praying, comforting him, understanding, as it dawned on me that seeing the house full of faces he doesn't usually see there was enough to tip him over the edge. It was then I started to validate how he was feeling, expressing my understanding of how difficult that was for him. He started to soften and relax in my arms - a heart connection. He lifted his head out of my lap, nodded silently and then rose to play. Slowly I am learning.

Lord, show me daily how to reach his heart this way, not with frustration, but with gentleness, understanding and compassion, I am so grateful.