Pressing on...

One morning two blue winged kookaburras descended upon our poinciana tree to our absolute delight.
They were obviously on a mission and no annoying noisy minors were going to deter them from hours, no days actually, of pecking at our date palm tree for lovely bedding for their nest.

The noisy minors incessantly swooped upon them, but the kookaburras persevered in spite of constant opposition and actually remained calm and didn't peck back or anything.

I linger on this today as I have been pondering on what it means to press forward in spite of difficulties and the want to give up or this is too hard...and impress this upon my children' s heart.

Yesterday I asked the Father for an example in the bible of someone showing this spirit of perseverance... so that I may share it with the boys, sow little seeds of truth that I believe they will one day, take hold of and live out daily...it is a journey and a slow one sometimes, but I'm learning right along side of them.

It was then Jesus reminded me of the garden...the garden where his heart broke with sorrow to the point of death. The garden where he fell and prayed

"Abba Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will".

I raced there, my heart full of anticipation of what I knew Jesus said to the Father three times, something I needed to hear afresh. And again today and the next day after that...My saviour gave all and today because of him I can press on being a mama, I can teach my children the beauty and reward of keeping their eyes on the goal.

A tree planted by streams of water...

A picture to hold onto for 2009. A tree, my life, sending out it's roots by the stream. Not fearing when the heat comes, it's leaves are always green. No worries in a year of drought, never ceasing to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8
This is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.
A prayer, a hope, a promise.
What does this look like in my every day... a woman who laughs more, enjoys her children, worries less, seeks Him first for the day, confident of her calling of homeschooling her children, growing in understanding and patience, slow to anger and abounding in love...I'm not there yet, but it feels like hope to me.

God's word to me today...

Be Still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Nothing more. Nothing else needed. It's one of those verses that stops you in your tracks. My need he knew, I am God, he said. I understood, he carried me and my heart is full of gratitude, of love and joy.

Gratitude Monday...Look up!

This week was beginning to look and feel burdensome. With Sebastian and I on special diets, taking supplements, which I even cringe at so you can imagine the level of difficulty in coaxing a 7 year old... and dealing with increasing asd characteristics, I was beginning to buckle.

A song took me back... made me look up... reminded me that I don't have to know it all, I don't have to worry about what's in store. He did that for me...a lightness came, a smile and tears of joy... He did that for me.

Consider it pure joy...

I haven't blogged on this topic. It's been one I've been holding at arms length. Perhaps it's something to do with a denial and grief time. 'No, maybe it's just his personality', 'If he has it, it is mild anyway', 'But there are many things I see that don't fit the mold of Asperges' - All these thoughts and many more have been a constant the 18months since the diagnosis. One thing is for sure I can't be silent. He is our son, our beautiful, delightful boy in whom my heart bursts for him to have a full, abundant life not characterised by fear of change or an inability to be flexible and adaptable to others needs (the biggest things we face daily). To love and be loved, to make a difference daily and know true relationship - with his Creator and Father and others.
After taking him out of school ( a daily anxiety), delving into every book I could find and getting him into a psychologist, I am 18 months down the track wondering if we are doing all that we can.
James 1 says to 'consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance'. Psalm 37:5 says to commit your way to the Lord - roll and repose each care on him, trust,(lean on, rely on and be confident) also in Him an He will bring it to pass. And Psalm 38:9, All my longings lie open before you O Lord, my sighing is not hidden from you.
Thank God for his word, such hope to continue on the journey - not alone, in his care, in his hands. Serving the One who knows my son and how to reach his heart.
I write this today to be reminded of His promises, peace comes even in the midst of not having all the answers - just being in His presence, being content that He does. It's enough, more than enough. It is grace for this moment. Amazing Grace.

A breakthrough came today, in me... this is the picture - we were visiting a friend having a party
(a perusing product one!) I warned Sebastian there would be a number of ladies there and that he could play. The moment we walked in, he changed in an instant, a huge black cloud came upon him and what came out was defiance, rudeness, and more. Many thoughts ran through my head - should we just leave? All I could think to do was sit and hold him, praying, comforting him, understanding, as it dawned on me that seeing the house full of faces he doesn't usually see there was enough to tip him over the edge. It was then I started to validate how he was feeling, expressing my understanding of how difficult that was for him. He started to soften and relax in my arms - a heart connection. He lifted his head out of my lap, nodded silently and then rose to play. Slowly I am learning.

Lord, show me daily how to reach his heart this way, not with frustration, but with gentleness, understanding and compassion, I am so grateful.

Gratitude Monday...

:: for the amazing view from our Kingscliff apartment for our girls weekend, a real surprise since we had no expectations. When we arrived at night the moon shining on this creek was awesome.

:: time to connect, pray, share and encourage each other.

:: a glorious walk on the beach, an unexpected soaking by freak waves and God speaking to my heart through music that lifted a burden.

:: A beautiful song that speaks to me of ...a place I am longing to be...a place I'm wanting to walk out daily, in His strength and grace.

Remember surrender, remember the rest
remember that weight lifting off of your chest, and realising that it's not up to you and it never was.
Remember surrender, remember relief. Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks, as the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in. I want to do that again, why can't I live there and make my home, in sweet surrender, I want to do so much, more than remember. Remember surrender, remember the peace. Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep. In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun. Remember surrender, remember that sound, of all of those voices inside dying down, But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within.
Sara Groves - All Right Here

:: finally, a little bit lighter... gorgeous finds at an antique store in Kingscliff, too much fun!

Popcorn and a Hammock...

I am revisiting my surrendering days, goodness only knows why I left them...well of course self is the reason, my self seeking self that tries to no end to tear me away from enjoying my boys, and trusting that learning happens as we live and laugh.
My schooling mind that creeps in just when I thought I was taming it, society that says children should be doing this and that.
Abiding in Him is the only answer and I'm again reminded that our homeschooling journey is one of walking by faith.
I admit I am a slow learner...when I impose my plans of learning on the boys it usually ends up pear shaped, but when I relax and wait and enjoy and take my hands off the results are astounding!
If you told me I'd be walking this journey this way I would never have believed it, in fact I never would have signed up for it! Praise God, he has better ideas for us, and ever though this is painful at times I can see tiny growth in me and I love Him for it!
So this day we popped popcorn and headed out into the garden to sit in our newly erected hammock (thanks daddy) and cuddled, talked, laughed and enjoyed each other...too precious!

Abide - dwell and Remain...

John 8:38 If you abide in My word, you are my disciples indeed.

Taking God's truth, writing it, studying it, memorizing it, declaring it, saying it...this kind of diligence and obedience to abiding will set us on a course for freedom. (Taken from Dutch Sheets book 'Roll Away Your Stone') .

I've always known the power of speaking God's word but now much more as my eyes have been opened to how much my soul needs freeing, all the strongholds of my thinking that can hold me back and naming one of the culprits...anger, short temper, losing control, whatever I might like to call it on the day is just one that I know God is dealing with ever so lovingly and gently, not letting me stay in a place any less that want He wants. I am thankful that the Word of God is sharper than any two edged sword...Heb 4:12 and that His word which goes from His mouth will not return to Him empty but will accomplish all He intends... Isaiah 55:1. All I do is eat - abide, dwell and remain in His word until it saves my soul...let his knife go to work! Ouch!

And... right at this time of lovingly dealing with me I read an amazing fiction 'The Shack' by William P Young which was for me all about Papa and understanding and receiving his love for me as his child for the first time! Yes, no condemnation, no disappointment in His eyes for me, just pure love!There was so much more there I will reread for sure.

So my days right now are wanting to be filled with just being with Him,knowing His sweet love in its fullness and keeping my mind stayed on Him and knowing perfect peace which follows - Isaiah 26:3, even in the midst of storms like waking to the worst migraine and continual vomiting this morning and all day. It should have been one of my worst days but there was peace, love and looking into my boys eyes to remind me who is with me today.

Surrended Days...

A few days ago I shared in my Hope post of a new place I'm longing to step into, one where there is freedom from my own wantings of how our home school should look like. A place where I understand that learning is happening if I take the time to stop looking at my planner and see what the boys have found to do. To enjoy each day and let it be a journey of discovery rather than a 'we must do' day. Asking God for what he has for us is... surrending my days...
so this week with my friend SkyeI am embarking on a week of capturing, with my trusty Canon, moments of learning that I didn't get in the way of. Stay tuned for the adventure, it's so nice to breathe a little...

Show me your ways, O Lord
teach me your paths
guide me in your truth
and teach me
for you are God my Saviour
and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4,5

The cry from the heart of one who wants to be led by His spirit every day in the the leading of the ones entrusted to her care.

Again I am confronted by my own bad behaviour as I spend all day with my children, wanting to push my own agenda, tick the boxes of what I define as learning and I wonder why they buck this system, where really I'm just bringing the classroom home, forgetting that God put in them the desire to learn naturally and they do, despite me. It says in His word that if anyone lacks wisdom he should ask God who will give generously... His wisdom brought me hope this week, hope I needed to continue down this path, hope that reminded me of the vision that had gotten a little blurry of late, hope that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me and the hope of a new place... a foreign place, though it shouldn't be...a place where I live by faith for the day, led by His spirit, asking Him what He has for us, so we don't miss what matters each day...I am learning, a little!

A beautiful truth...

I was forwarded this message today which so spoke to my heart. I struggle like many do with feeling like and doing many mistakes in my mothering journey.
This excerpt apparently came from a little book called "Come ye Apart" by JR Miller, 1929.

A mother is sitting at her work, her mind perplexed a she thinks of her poor faulty life. She had longed to serve the Master and had tried to do so; but it seemed to her that she had utterly failed. Just then she turned the garment she was mending, and her eye 'caught an odd little bungle of mending and patchwork" done by some other hand. Her heart grew tender as the truth flashed over her. Her little daughter had wanted to help her. To be sure, she had made a botch of it; but the mother knew it was the best she could do, and she felt a strange yearning for her child. Then a voice whispered, 'Art thou tenderer for the little child than I am tender for thee?" She understood it all in a flash, and her perplexed faith brightened into peace.

"For I thought, when the Master Builder

Comes down His temple to view,-

To see what rents must be mended,

And what must be builded anew,-

"Perhaps, as He looks o"er the building,

He will bring my poor work to the light,

And seeing the marring and bungling,

And how far it all is from right,

"He will feel as I felt for my darling,

And say as I said for her:

'Dear child! She wanted to help me,

And love for me was the spur;

" 'And for the true love that is in it,

The work shall seem perfect as mine;

And because it was willing service,

I will crown it with plaudit divine.' "



How wonderful that God looks at the heart!
The picture is of some stitching that Sebastian has started when I was doing mine, now it will be a continual reminder of while it is far from perfect, I am just like those little hands learning and doing my best as He leads.

My lessons...

My heart is so full of gratitude and love on this amazing journey God is taking me by the hand and leading me on. It is also sometimes quite painful. He is tending this garden of mine and it hurts because of what is being revealed in me that isn't pretty...but He knows what needs to be pulled up, and now I'm trusting in His slow work.
The root of it all is hurt and offense which I've always been prone too. It can simply be a schooling plan I've had that the boys don't want to do and I've spent the prior evening researching and planning!! Or even just hearing them complaining about doing any school...I sense something rising in me, I try to deny it, but it overpowers me, gives birth to anger and I'm miserable and ending up raising my voice at them and the very behaviour in them I'm trying to address won't reach their hearts above my bad behaviour!
I thank God that He is showing me and I am so convinced that it is the fact that I am with the boys all day that this has come up with such a passion that if I don't look at it head on I cannot continue homeschooling. It's amazing that some things have to come to a crunch point before we deal with them! So here I am confessing them, praying and rejoicing that I serve a God who won't let me stay here but has wonderful plans for me if I just walk one day at a time with Him!
The power of God's word is so evident, no wonder it is called 'The sword of the spirit'. One particular verse I have been saying out loud is 'I am a patient woman with great understanding, not given to quick temper that leads to folly.' Proverbs 14:29. Also 'I speak soft answers that turn away wrath, not grevious words that stir up anger.' Prov 15:1. It is often hard to see what you are doing in the middle of the offense building, but this week I had an amazing softening of my heart right in the here and now of it building that I was able to respond with compassion and... I saw it in his eyes, a connectedness, a reaching of his heart, a window of hope for the future- one that I dare not close.
How wonderful that I can do all things in Him who gives me strength!

A prayer...

I offer you myself as a living sacrifice.
Would you give me an awareness of
your presence. I don't want to miss
a word from you today. Show me
your activity...I might be the only
bible they read today.

Amen

His Love for us is Amazing...

A weekend to sit at His Feet, to Marvel at His Greatness, to Pray ,to Worship, to Laugh with Friends and reflect that the Star Breather became the Sin Bearer.

Thus by their fruit you will recognize them.

To continue our look at the fruits of the spirit I found a great idea to show the boys from www.kidssundayschool.com.
It was a very visual reminder that our lives are like one of these two strawberries(this is our own experiment and the boys got to see up close and personal the rotten fruit).
People will know who we are by the type of fruit we produce. Matt 7:20 says 'Thus by their fruit you will recognize them' Will the fruit of your life be good like this plump juicy strawberry or not so good like this fungi laden strawberry?
The boys were silent for a little while pondering the strange things their mum was telling them, however I think it got in, and we know what the Holy Spirit will do with sowing the Word into their hearts...even if it is with this visual reminder of rotten fruit!!

Lessons learnt

Into our 2nd week of homeschooling and already I am seeing that somethings have to change or my sanity will be out the window! So here are some things that our gracious God has shown me:

1. When I stay at home all day with my children my character flaws become much more evident as do those of my children! I see now that I am having a huge learning curve about myself and busyness can sometimes prevent me from seeing this...guess that 'Be still and know that I am God' verse is what we need to do more and more in this life! I have also slipped on being consistent in the boys discipline. It is amazing how little by little you can let things slip until one day you realise things are out of control again. At the end of the day it is easier to let things go as it takes hard work to go through with the correcting. But any thing that takes hard work has wonderful rewards! Arrgghh when will I learn! I also need to remember not to sweat the small stuff, they are boys after all, it's the attitudes and disrespect that needs to be worked on.

2. Curriculum can either be a tyrant or a tool! Borrowed that line from Holly Sheen. Have learnt by following the curriculum so strictly it can stifle my creativity when it comes to teaching the children. It's great to have it of course but if I see it as a tool I'm more likely to keep it in perspective than to just resort to ticking the boxes!
I am going easy on myself...I have just started and I am so thankful solutions have come early...actually it was a matter of desperation with many head in hands moments...God met me...what else can I ask for!

Love is not easily angered...

Had one of those days you probably shouldn't blog on. However since I find reflecting helps me look higher here I am...Little offense after offense builds and builds and will eventually blow...that is what I have learnt today. It's like my boys say often after watching a Larry boy DVD "If you hold onto your anger, your anger will hold onto you!" I wish it didn't take me so long to realise this today!! Sebastian was introduced to the 'mummy needs to take a break phrase' and he used it two more times suggesting that I needed another break, when it was obvious to him that mummy's frustration levels were building...argghh!
The best part of all this was the three of us coming together for a cuddle and a prayer and mummy saying sorry! I know who was the homeschooling student today!!

Nobody knows them like He does...

As I begin this journey, our first year of Homeschooling, and as I plan out our year, I'm constantly reminded that He knows the path mapped out of them, He knows their hearts. We are the privileged ones God is using to tend them in this short but blessed season.