My lessons...

My heart is so full of gratitude and love on this amazing journey God is taking me by the hand and leading me on. It is also sometimes quite painful. He is tending this garden of mine and it hurts because of what is being revealed in me that isn't pretty...but He knows what needs to be pulled up, and now I'm trusting in His slow work.
The root of it all is hurt and offense which I've always been prone too. It can simply be a schooling plan I've had that the boys don't want to do and I've spent the prior evening researching and planning!! Or even just hearing them complaining about doing any school...I sense something rising in me, I try to deny it, but it overpowers me, gives birth to anger and I'm miserable and ending up raising my voice at them and the very behaviour in them I'm trying to address won't reach their hearts above my bad behaviour!
I thank God that He is showing me and I am so convinced that it is the fact that I am with the boys all day that this has come up with such a passion that if I don't look at it head on I cannot continue homeschooling. It's amazing that some things have to come to a crunch point before we deal with them! So here I am confessing them, praying and rejoicing that I serve a God who won't let me stay here but has wonderful plans for me if I just walk one day at a time with Him!
The power of God's word is so evident, no wonder it is called 'The sword of the spirit'. One particular verse I have been saying out loud is 'I am a patient woman with great understanding, not given to quick temper that leads to folly.' Proverbs 14:29. Also 'I speak soft answers that turn away wrath, not grevious words that stir up anger.' Prov 15:1. It is often hard to see what you are doing in the middle of the offense building, but this week I had an amazing softening of my heart right in the here and now of it building that I was able to respond with compassion and... I saw it in his eyes, a connectedness, a reaching of his heart, a window of hope for the future- one that I dare not close.
How wonderful that I can do all things in Him who gives me strength!